A couple years ago our youngest moved out. Even though we still had three adult children at home, I lived through my first empty nest syndrome. Here’s why.
Somewhere in the back of my mind, I thought I still had a chance to be a better dad to my kids. My little kids. Next week I’ll walk with them to school more, instead of sleeping in. Pretty soon I’ll take my boy outside to play basketball together. I won’t raise my voice as much the next time I’m frustrated with them. Which is a nice way of saying I won’t yell so much.
Know that these chances were already long gone. Our youngest was moving out at 16. But I’d never faced the fact that I couldn’t try again tomorrow to be a better dad. I know I can do my best now to parent young adults. But my kids are gone.
I think there are uncountable moments along the way as a parent that you let go. And inside you are happy and you are sad. One day my girl didn’t want to be held as much as she wanted to crawl away. Good for her. A little goodbye for me. And this day happens more than you can remember. Walking away without her on her first day of kindergarten. And the first time she was embarrassed of me in front of her friends. Goodbye my sweet girl. And again and again.
I wrote before where I’m at, but Shakespeare helps me say it better. “When sorrows come, they come not single spies, but in battalions.” And in the middle of this season, I find myself with another goodbye, and I’m infuriated because I thought I was done. Then I heard, in the song The Question Pool, this:
Do I just hold on, or just let go?
And I knew, that now, I just let go. Again. Even more. How much more letting go can you do when your kids are in their 20’s? More than I anticipated.
Goodbye my loves.
Somewhere in the back of my mind, I thought I still had a chance to be a better dad to my kids. My little kids. Next week I’ll walk with them to school more, instead of sleeping in. Pretty soon I’ll take my boy outside to play basketball together. I won’t raise my voice as much the next time I’m frustrated with them. Which is a nice way of saying I won’t yell so much.
Know that these chances were already long gone. Our youngest was moving out at 16. But I’d never faced the fact that I couldn’t try again tomorrow to be a better dad. I know I can do my best now to parent young adults. But my kids are gone.
I think there are uncountable moments along the way as a parent that you let go. And inside you are happy and you are sad. One day my girl didn’t want to be held as much as she wanted to crawl away. Good for her. A little goodbye for me. And this day happens more than you can remember. Walking away without her on her first day of kindergarten. And the first time she was embarrassed of me in front of her friends. Goodbye my sweet girl. And again and again.
I wrote before where I’m at, but Shakespeare helps me say it better. “When sorrows come, they come not single spies, but in battalions.” And in the middle of this season, I find myself with another goodbye, and I’m infuriated because I thought I was done. Then I heard, in the song The Question Pool, this:
And I knew, that now, I just let go. Again. Even more. How much more letting go can you do when your kids are in their 20’s? More than I anticipated.
Goodbye my loves.
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